I know this blog has been all over the place. But this week, I thought I’d tell you about my salvation testimony. Here goes…
Darkness. Heavy. Fearful. Terrified on my left.
Sunlight. Warmth. Calm. Welcoming on my right.
I’m in the middle being pulled, like a tug-of-war rope, two steps to the right, then three steps to the left. The darkness is chilling. Sitting straight up in bed with a cold sweat beaded on my face and my heart racing, I realize it was just a dream. The same dream comes to me night after night. I just don’t know if I can take it anymore? What does it mean? This has been going on for months now, maybe longer. As a twelve year old girl, I do not watch horror movies. I have attended Church for as far back as I can remember. This horrible dream comes to me nearly every night. I hate to go to sleep for fear I will be pulled to the left into the darkness. What does this mean?
We are having a youth revival this weekend at an old gym. The revival team is a family from south Louisiana. There are four brothers and each one will preach a night of the revival. They all play an instrument and sing. Their mother plays the piano and their dad is the leader of the band. They’ve been to our church a few times before. My pastor is friends with them
Revival time arrives. This is so weird. Whoever heard of having a revival in an old gym? As the music cranked up, we all forgot we were in a gym. It was loud and more modern that we could ever have at church! I am sitting with a few friends who are older than me. I am really not even supposed to be here since I’m twelve. Our rules are say youth are 13 and up.
One of the brothers starts to speak. I guess we are getting down to preaching now. No, he’s saying that tonight he is showing a film called “A Burning Hell”. A large screen is brought out and the film reels are set up. The lights go out and we girls start giggling. Soon, we are enthralled in the film and the room is totally silent, except for the clicking of the film reels.
My palms are starting to sweat and my heart is racing just like when I wake up from that horrible nightmare. I look around to see if people are noticing. Surely, they can hear my heart beating. It’s about to pound out of my chest! I realize that I am just like those men in the movie. I know about Jesus but I do not belong to Him. He doesn’t “know” me. Oh, no! One of the men is killed in a motorcycle wreck and he goes to hell. I can’t watch, but I can’t tear my eyes away from the screen. There is so much screaming and agony and all the people in hell can remember every time they said ‘no’ to Jesus!
The other man is back at a church and the preacher is telling him about Jesus. He tells him salvation’s more than just believing in Jesus, it’s surrendering to Him. It’s letting Jesus rule you. I don’t think I’ve done that…
The film goes off and the lights come on. Thank God for that, but why is my heart still pounding and my hands sweating. We all stand up as music starts to play. The speaker is asking if we know we would go to heaven if we died right now? I don’t know! Oh, I think so, but am I just like that man who thought he knew Jesus? He’s in hell now, would I be? I don’t know what the speaker is saying. I’m wrestling with the chair in front of me. My knuckles are white as I grip that chair. I want to go down and receive Jesus as my Savior, but everyone thinks I’m saved. I’m not. If I died right now, I’d go to hell just like that man in the film.
Finally, I battle with myself until I step out into the “isle” of the gymnasium. Suddenly, I’m kneeling with the speaker. He is asking if I understand that I’m a sinner? Yes, I know I am. He asks if I believe Jesus is the Son of God, born of a virgin, died for me and rose again? Yes, I believe. Then he asks if I am willing to surrender my life to Jesus, will I turn from my sin (repent) and trust Him to save me from my sin? Yes, yes, yes! He said the Bible says if we believe in our heart and confess with our mouth that God raised Jesus from the dead, we will be saved. Yes, yes, I do believe that! Repeating a prayer after him, I asked Jesus to save me! We stood up and he welcomed me into the Kingdom of God!
Turning, I ran up the “isle” to my brother who was in the back of the gym with the older youth and I jumped into his arms crying and laughing at the same time.
“Timmy, I’m not going to hell! I’m not going to hell!” Wailing and smiling, I shouted my announcement. For the first time in my life, I feel the ‘world has been lifted off my shoulders’. I don’t know how to describe the excitement. Somehow, I know that Jesus’ Holy Spirit entered me that night and I have never been the same!
Several days passed, before I realized that tormenting dream was not tormenting me. That’s been 37 years ago and Jesus is still living in me. Never again have I had that dream. And every day, I hear my Savior’s voice in one way or another. Yes, I know Jesus, but more important – He knows me!
I hope this reaches someone. Blessings to you this week!